Her-
This girl with her dirty face,
Her dirty words that banner overhead,
Her own reflection broken with angst,
Her blue tears fall as shards of glass,
Her angry words fall deaf once more,
Her shadowed pleas chime out the hour,
Her soft ballads scream through the night,
Her dreams whisper to me in her sleep,
Her smiles fade with her life.
Courtney Roach
April 4, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
We Say Goodbye-
You lie alone.
We all do.
You wallow in your secrets.
They're safe to share.
You kiss your gravestone.
We say goodbye.
Your silence bows.
We say goodbye.
Courtney Roach
April 4, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Utopia-
You scratch at my wounds
We dance in our utopia
I hide beneath the stars
Give me peace
Dream in vain
Silence cries in my own throat
Darkness shouts innuendos through my seeping blood
You sharpened the knife
I ended the strife
And tonight sad faces crawl across the sky.
Courtney Roach
April 5, 2005
-dad-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Symphony of Sadness-
Sickness bleeds through your eyes
My heart seethes in your lies
The darkness is swollen beside you
The sunrise will abide.
Your stare is black and hollow
All those red tears you shall swallow
Lilacs slowly grow in the night again
You were right.
Courtney Roach
April 5, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Once Upon A Time-
You step inside
Crumble to the cold floor
Taste your bitter tears
Silence finds its way into you
Break away
Break yourself
Break into the fire
Take passion by the throat
Overpowered by panic
Live her lie
Always in the daylight
She will suffice
Bleed her
Grit your teeth and need her
Read her
We all live fairytales.
Courtney Roach
April 6, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Would You Cry With Me-
Lie alone,
Thin and cold.
Throw up all your fairy dust.
You carry with you
A darkening past.
The sun bleeds across the sky,
Lighting your shadow's trail of tears.
Take on more breath
Before you fall...
Puddles of black lie before you.
Petals of color cry for you.
Your life will die too soon.
Courtney Roach
April 6, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello-
Say hello
Question what you know
Grasp the shadow of your heart
Tread the waters with one kiss
Bask in his smiles of forgiveness
And laugh within his eyes.
Courtney Roach
April 7, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
<3-
Sadness floats across your face
Don't cry
Let them drink your tears, feel your pain
Lie awake
Stain your pillow with blue
Promise me you'll never crave for death.
Courtney Roach
April 7, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Underworld-
You saw everything with your own eyes
And in those eyes fell fear.
You saw oleander growing frightened
And you strip away their pain.
Love is too blind for you to see
Yet you try too hard for it to suffocate your heart.
You think those drugs will keep you sane
But only in the underworld.
Grasp the sunlight
And place it within you.
Keep the beauty in your smile
Walk no more broken roads.
Courtney Roach
April 9, 2005
-for Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Footprints-
You're running down this familiar street
The only place I'd ever greet you
Kiss my blistered lips
Look into my scarred lips
I'll leave footprints... you'll never lose me.
Courtney Roach
April 10, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Invincible-
I stand where darkness surrounds me
Isolate me
Don't miss me
You deserve no more pain
I'm watching angels fly
Watching demons cry
Watching shallow waters swell to become whole
Sitting at your side, I am invisible
You are invincible.
Courtney Roach
April 10, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Bleeding-
Lying in the sand, I'm so alone
Bury me alive, I'll be warm
My heart's been scratched
And my mouth is bleeding questions
I whisper "sorry" through the graveyard
I doubt you think it's honesty
I'd never let lies seep through my pores
I'd never try to lose you.
Courtney Roach
April 10, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Anonymous-
My sick and twisted passion for some blood
Has driven me to sanctuary, driven me insane
I can't promise you perfection
I can't give you what you need to breathe
I can give you pain,
I can give you hate
Don't love me, I don't deserve anything that precious
Don't hate me, I can't hold in anymore tears
Give me honesty, give me a smile
Stop trying to get rid of yourself
Stop lying on the cold floor, drowning in your cold tears
I'll lie beside you, counting each and every star
I'll let them eat my insides, crush my silly absent emotions
I love you, yet I hold you in the distance, I hold you so far away
You show a beauty like I've never seen
I hold kisses in my heart
Keeping them within tears me apart
I hold no identity
I wear no face
Interpret me any way you please
And just know that I love you.
Courtney Roach
April 9, 2005
-Azra, Veronica, Mel, Geralda, Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Kisses From Demons-
The clouds were buried in the sky
We held our heads in the rain
I felt every cry
The twilight is burning embers tonight
We held our lies in vain
I felt every death
You're crying blackness from your eyes
And you crave kisses from demons
The twinkle in the stars dims
The moon is crippled with humor
And bitter you shall stay
Growing old and alone
Lying deaf atop floorboards
Waiting to be saved.
Courtney Roach
April 10, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Long Awaited Loneliness-
Be my addiction
I ask you for your hand, your heart, your eyes, your breath
Let me count you down
Be my stars, my sun, my sky, my last days
I bring you back for one more life
You'll blanket me with broken hearts
You'll drown me in shattered tears
The sun has spiraled into oblivion
I do not want to say good bye
Humanity has been altered
I was meant to lose you.
Courtney Roach
April 11, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Feel Alright-
Your eyes are filled with sugar
Little kisses from the sky
You are my blind spot
And now I die a little less
Your concern with the ghosts wearing my skin
Has driven the pain straight through my eyes
The sun has finally shied away from the night
And I'm beginning to feel alright.
Courtney Roach
April 11, 2005
-Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
And So You've Been Told-
I once again walk up those broken stairs
The cold air leaks into my skin
I've led a sheltered life
And now I'm frozen within my subtle heart
I'm a walking lie, or something like that
And so you've been told my deepest darkest miseries
And so it's been said that you love me.
Courtney Roach
April 11, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
And I Fall-
Swallow my heart like I've never had one
I've never used it
I see you dancing in your misery
I've never seen you so alone
Your body shudders to the ground
The snowflakes wash you away
And I fall secretly to sleep.
Courtney Roach
April 12, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Beauty-
The hour glass has given up
On giving you time
And so you stutter into silence
And so you stumble upon love
Your mask is so transparent
I see your broken wings beneath it
Your lips turn up with a twitch
And the ghosts within your eyes
Stare, so hollow
The temptation is mine
Won't you step into fate?
Won't you look me in the face?
Your heart is mine this night
My beauty fades with twilight.
Courtney Roach
April 12, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
I Live-
I run
My feet sink deep into the dirt
I cry
My soul has never been this hurt
I spoke
Her heart too tender to comprehend
I try
I won't throw up, for her sake
I lie
Please hide this mask from me
I choke
These tears are strong against my will
I wake
I fell too deep within my dream
I live
You're the one to shun me from death.
Courtney Roach
April 12, 2005
-Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Spring Fever-
The hot sun burns snow upon my lips
And if I grow into the cold floor,
Take my hand and wait for me
Because I love you with every burning passion in my heart
You say that's just a start
You give me sunshine
I give you emptiness
That one tear fell when you denied my love
But I'd give my blood for you
I know that's what you'd do.
Courtney Roach
April 12, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Blackout-
I belong to no fairy tale
There is no happy ending
I'm plastered with a frown
No thoughts are simple
Nothing will ever be alright
And so my eyes are lined with darkness
In hopes you'll realize that I feel so empty
I'm my own illusion
Basking in my own blue
The sunrise was just a silly dream
Imagined with weakness
Imagined in my blackout
And now I close my eyes
Say your last good byes.
Courtney Roach
April 12, 2005
-Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
So Lush-
I'm breathing you
Don't stop now
Won't leave you
I feel myself closer
Death is waiting for a touch
The wind is so lush against my skin
It threatens to tear me apart
It can do no more harm
I've fallen into my rock bottom.
Courtney Roach
April 12, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Magic-
I've given up again
I've finally gone weak
You watched me break
I need your magic
Watch me die
I'm dangling on just one thread
These shadows lurk at my feet, as I hang
Chew me down
Stand me up
Bleed my eyes
I see no more light
You are my dark
I don't want to fight... anymore...
Courtney Roach
April 14, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Take It Away-
The doors are off their hinges
You can finally see the black that suffocates my heart
It's fallen softly
Can you feel it?
Tension never gives way
Sadness never runs away
I will take it away
Maybe there is no new day
Yet I still drink away my yesterday.
Courtney Roach
April 14, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
All Is Fair In Love-
I stray too far from here again
I turn around
My streets are gone
My tears have started once again
Love is not blind
Love is deaf
We never hear what is said
I think it's time for fate again
If only it were easier to believe.
Courtney Roach
April 14, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Mad, Angsty Emo-
The rain is falling silently
No emotion as we speak
That's me crying
I don't need to show it
I just am.
I am overwhelmed with fear
Let us just play it by ear
That's my theory
I don't know how to show it
But I love you.
Courtney Roach
April 14, 2005
-MEL-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Funeral-
I sit atop my grave tonight
No one came to the funeral
I see only ghosts through this bleeding water
Grasping my eyes and face
Tears of eyeliner wash away my sins
I lied and I'm sure of it
Guilt is what dragged me to this grave
My eyes burn with laughter
And suddenly you hold me as I slip into sanity.
Courtney Roach
April 14, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Love Lies-
I've fallen quickly
Fallen madly
Unto this bruised floor
I've been upon this dirtied floor
One too many times
Love lies beneath the floorboards
I need to fall deeper than rock bottom
To reach her
I need to break through this too thin air
To see her
I need to smile one more time
To fake happiness
I've never been okay
I've missed the sunshine away
And I've drowned in shallow waters once again.
Courtney Roach
April 15, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Let Me Go-
I wake too early for sunrise
Yet I see light through my shut eyes
Your ghost is screaming in my ear
And I feel myself bleeding
I've synchronized my breathing
I'm not breathing anymore
Your silhouette is staring in through my window
And I'm breaking and shaking in passion and lies
And I'm letting go
And I'm slipping further everyday
But you won't let me go
You won't let me die more today.
Courtney Roach
April 16, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Madness-
Madness lures me to you
In this day, you seem unbearable
The sun shoots heat into my eyes
And this darkness is so precious
Savor it like you never savored me.
Courtney Roach
April 16, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
The End-
Lying all alone
Lying to myself
The simple things
Never settle
I'm emptying
All my patience
My heart is waiting
For all that
Cannot happen
Running away
Yet again
I'm falling asleep
Another chance
Dissect my truth
You believe my lies
I never started
To deceive you
It only started
With tears
Your screams
Are brutal
But in the end
I never even mattered.
Courtney Roach
April 16, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Pondering-
Today is my day
You were made for me
With her, I am fed up
With whom will you find love?
Courtney Roach
April 17, 2005
-Mel, Geralda, Azra-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Pain-
Bind yourself to the floor
I'll never leave you wanting more
Pain
Be my zen
Till the end
Kiss the stars
You are
By far
The most beautiful girl
I have ever loved
You are the tears I cry
You are every lie
You are everyday I try
You are mine
I wish I could keep you
I wish you would just stay
I can't breathe you
If you're one ocean away
Give me your lips
Give me your presence
Your face is drowned in my memory
Walk back laughing
And crying more darkness
Stop shadowing yourself
And try being loved.
Courtney Roach
April 18, 2005
-Mel, Geralda, Azra, Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Blame Game-
Point your finger
Run away
Let's not play this blame game
Not today
Their eyes have been watching
Their jaws have fallen to the floor
You think I lied
I would not lie
And now I'm crying
Time to start blaming
You, of course
The tears are quickening
As is the blood
I'm stained with you
You're stuck within me
All has finally clashed
Tis okay
Every second is closer to death.
Courtney Roach
April 19, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Home-
Please bear me for one more breath
I'll bring you to your knees
You paint the sky with misery
And we wish for no more lies
Brand me with your pitiful life
Sell me out with your accusations
Fall beneath yourself
Hide behind your heart
Press me for truth
It's all I've given you
Stare me hollow
Close your eyes
You'll bleed yourself blind
You will survive
She'll bring you home
And I give you my hand
As you give me your hate
And that's fine.
Courtney Roach
April 19, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Watching You Wilt/Let Me In-
I'm watching you
Watching everything but me
And I see
You carrying your sanity
As she walks
Capturing my misery
See you go
Living in your memory
Shadows of insanity
Watching you wilt quietly
Burrowing into your soul
The truth is all I want to know
I'm kissing you
You're kissing all but me
And I see
Tension in your soft blue eyes
As she stalls
Remembering her face
Now you go
Living always in my heart
Shadows of insanity
Watching you wilt quietly
Burrowing into your soul
The truth is all I want to know
Sunshine is killing you
And I give you what you know
I love you
Let me in
I'll never let you go.
Courtney Roach
April 21, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Dirty Laundry-
Hold my hand as the rain falls down
Nothing is ever as it seems
Everyday bears one more secret
Every glance holds one more kiss
Time is never on our side
Our blue eyes carry tears
That match no sadness
And as the snow melts
So do I.
Courtney Roach
April 24, 2005
-Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Presence of Humanity-
Cut your skin deeper every time
Deeper than the last time
Deeper than your last breath
Deeper than your last word
Deeper than the softest of cruelties
I never meant for you not to comprehend
Never meant for you not to understand
Never meant for you not to live
Never meant for you not to love me
Never meant for you not to feel alive in a world so chaotic
I always tried to say the right things
Always tried to say what you wanted to hear
Always tried to embrace your sad face
Always tried to care not quite enough
Always tried to make you feel welcome in the presence of humanity.
Courtney Roach
April 21, 2005
-Julie-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Labyrinth-
I wrote your name upon the wall
And watched the simple letters fade
Amongst the silence of the fake
The black and white acrylics of the ghosts
And your whispered words linger on the plaster
All alone, a cloudy day,
Snow sweeping through the thin air
Pitied faces with their eyes a glare
Shadow me with calligraphy built thoughts
Questions eat at me
And drown me in the darkness
My labyrinth mind left unsolved.
Courtney Roach
April 23, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Speak Slow Suicide-
You've turned me completely around
All breath is lost
Let's play pretend
In a world so gray
Words that shudder me
To a death so intended
My heart, so full of regret,
Still lingers beneath my skin
Tear me apart once more
Throw me farther than before
Love is grasping for truth
Something more real than myself
All that's heard is the buzz of distraction
Your fingers slip from my own
The rain is camouflaged within your tears
The air is cold and bitter
Speak slow suicide
You dangle by the throat
Your laughter is choked
This is your last time
Coming out of the closet.
Courtney Roach
April 23, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
The Late Night-
I hold you closer every time
There is no void to fill
I think you've done all that you can
And finally I am yours
To kiss and keep warm
And I don't want to go
Step out into the rain
I promise to hold you safe
The cold is forbidden
The love is far from hidden
And the late night
Shall go unnoticed.
Courtney Roach
April 23, 2005
-Mel<3-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Anesthetic-
The vision beyond my window
Is one of hunger and lusting
Your beauty is laced in my eyes
And my need to see you is overpowering
The snow is falling all around me
Keeping me cold and sane
My anesthetic has finally returned
And I've found the front door.
Courtney Roach
April 24, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Misfortune-
You gave me blood and secrets today
I swallowed it whole
You should have given yourself a chance
I'm scratching at your heart
You're bleeding from the inside
I've painted you crimson
I've drowned you in tears
I've given you all but wisdom
And I'm sorry for your misfortune.
Courtney Roach
April 27, 2005
-Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Standing On The Side-
My sleeves are wet with tears
I cannot hold you anymore
I cannot hold the secrets in my heart
I can only watch in silence
I'm a victim of this helplessness
You hold yourself
And cry yourself to sleep
You bleed yourself
And drive yourself insane
And I watch you with a hunger
As it rains the fake away
And I lie to them as always
As they laugh to see me happy
But this world is so untrue
And they've known it
Since their eyes have turned a black
No virgin has ever seen
They're bleeding collateral
I watch them give it all away
Melt themselves away
They cannot reach me
They cannot trust me
They can only leave me standing on the side
Watching them bleed from the wrists
And laugh at nothing funny.
Courtney Roach
April 26, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Fiction-
Take my hand
Let go
Kiss me now
This is the last time
Look me in the eyes
See the scars
Read the lies
Place me in your heart
Take me forever with you
Drink yourself
Down to the last drop
Smile once more
Let happiness show through
The emptiness
The hollow and the gray
I love you
And I'm here for just today
But tomorrow
I'll be only in your memories
Laughing at the fiction
And I love you
So let go.
Courtney Roach
April 26, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Let Go-
Let go, and feel alright
Don't blink, this is your time
Scratching at your wounds
I give you
Anything to remember me
I stand here
Lost in my own life
I hold you...
Stand before me
Drowning in your tragedy
Turn me up a notch
I want to finally feel alive
'Cause dying isn't worth it
Be you, and smile right
Fake it, it's everything we know
Turning off the lights
I see you
Glowing in the darkness
I wear her
Smeared across my face
I love her...
Stand before me
Drowning in your tragedy
Turn me up a notch
I want to finally feel alive
'Cause dying isn't worth it
We can't all fit into the mold
Tonight we drink it all away
And hope we come out looking bold
Before we drive it all away.
Courtney Roach
April 27, 2005
-EVERYONE I KNOW AND LOVE-
------------------------------------------------------------------
My Autumn-
I'm bleeding from the outside in
You've stabbed me with your lies
I'll kiss your open wounds
And give you peace and stars
I'll place you in my warmth
And keep you pacified
Waiting for my Autumn to arrive
Breathing in my colors to survive
Let me join your photograph
Let me be seen
Throw me into your spiteful fires
Throw me up with a nauseating turn
I'll watch you through the hole
You punched into the wall
I promise to forgive you
I promised not to love you
Those fumes you let me breathe
Are altering my patience
And when the morning lets me go
I'll go...
Courtney Roach
April 28 - 30, 2005
