Untitled-
She lingers all alone
She's not okay
She lives in darkness
She seems a golden sun
Until she removes that mask of glass
She seeks a life of fate
She longs a face of beauty
She hopes to be protected
She whispers in the silence
Until she knows she is not heard
Never wake a girl from her dreams
Never let her fall too deep
Never leave it as it seems
Never let her fall asleep.
Courtney Roach
March 1, 2005
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Storm of Solitude-
I sleep tonight with no intentions
Of dreaming a ghost in my mind.
This storm of solitude awakens me,
Yet my eyes are settled and drifting from my soul.
The stars that hang themselves in such a dark sky
Shine down and protect me from the dangers of love.
Now all these things that linger in the shadows
Haunt the footsteps that are ours.
And as my mind falls back into the darkness,
I know your heart is lying next to mine.
Courtney Roach
March 1, 2005
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Grand-
I'd burn for you, if I needed to.
But isn't that what you'd say to me, if the feelings were mutual?
But I'm sick of crying and waiting and lusting.
My heart is not accepting,
And I'm sitting alone, amid the ghosts that longed for more.
Is that what I am?
A simple ghost, fading in the twilight?
A simple word, not written in the books?
A simple soul, tortured by its love?
A simple melody, not difficult enough to sing?
If you'd take the time to look within my eyes,
I'd be grand.
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
-For anyone who has ever thought about me in their spare time-
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My Black and White-
I learned throughout my life that there is no black and white.
But, tonight I finally walked into the grey.
I saw all the colors of grace,
And the burning red of your flame.
When I floated above the crystal waters,
I found that I'd been holding onto unwanted memories.
I drowned them in those waters, so clear and listless.
You embraced me as you figured I had always been alone.
Today I woke, crying for unknown reasons.
But as I held myself a victim,
I remembered that I'm not holding on anymore.
If you'd rather watch me fall, try not to catch me.
I'll just fall back into my black and white.
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
-Whoever this is dedicated to... You know who you are-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
I saw your ghost last night
It came as I dreamt myself to sleep
You stared down at me
And bled those tears you've held too long
And I can see you're broken just by looking in those eyes
Those eyes that cry for no one
Those eyes that hold the venom for your prey
And I should pray tonight.
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
Could you reach out and touch me?
If you listened hard enough, you'd hear me singing.
If you decide to turn the page, you'd find a happy ending.
Do you believe a secret when you hear it,
Or do you let it pass you by as you wait silently?
Do you watch the sky at night,
Or do you wait until the right time to look above?
I see you and you look stronger than you feel.
You look more beautiful than anyone who thinks they are.
You make me feel alive and well again.
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
If I could be a star, would you wish upon me?
If I could be the sky, would you gaze at me?
If I could be what you want me to be, would I be me?
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
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Demons-
The tiny little demons that walk about inside my head
Are killing my kind soul with every step they take;
With every thought they break.
And that little girl that once sang within my heart
Was murdered by their willingness to carry her tune.
They'll carry her away soon.
Everything beautiful I once saw
Will soon be gone.
I will be that little girl, breaking herself just to sing a love song;
A silly heartbroken song.
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
You held yourself in your own arms last night,
Cried your own tears,
Shed your own skin,
Bled your own blood,
Broke your own heart,
And with us all as your witness,
You killed yourself.
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
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If You Stepped Inside My Skin-
If you woke up tonight
And I was not at your side,
Would you suffer?
Would you search for me?
If you stepped inside my skin
And realized I was hurting,
Would you care?
Would you help me?
But if you stepped inside my skin,
You would see we're all dying.
Every second we waste
Adds up to your unfulfilled life.
If you stepped inside my skin
And could not get out,
Would you want to erase the past?
Courtney Roach
March 6, 2005
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Just One-
With just one kiss upon the sky,
The sun will rise
And you will forever beat in my heart.
With just one look into your eyes,
I feel passion
And I feel myself drowning in the blue.
Courtney Roach
March 7, 2005
-For Dennis-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
I wish to live on longer than you hope.
When I'm scratching, still alive, inside my grave,
The darkness will carry me to you.
I shall walk in the alleys, in your shadows,
And haunt your steps, and taunt your words,
And replace your heart with blackness like no other.
When you're crying all alone, you'll ask for comfort,
And when you're ready to jump, you'll look for a push.
But when you're ready, just look for something pure;
Something like no other.
Reach inside yourself and reveal your soul, reveal your truth.
You'll see soon that there is no reason for your pain,
No reason for me to haunt your steps, and taunt your words.
Courtney Roach
March 8, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
You lie alone,
Gasping for your one last breath.
And as you stare me in the eye,
You cock your head just slightly to the right.
I can see you paining for some answers.
Why are you bleeding all your absent-minded misery away?
Why are you dying all alone on the cold, hard floor?
Why are you leaving all of us to linger with the ghosts?
I can see them shining in your eyes.
Still they fall into my palm.
I look into the moon and see him smile back.
Your happiness is what I've always wished for,
And now you're leaving me for ghosts... simple ghosts that hold no meaning.
Courtney Roach
March 8, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
I'm locked deep within my soul
And I've become nothing but a frown.
You've cast this spell upon my body.
As I rise, our love will go down.
It seems that nothing will go on... and on again.
But as I look down yonder at the ghosts that walk my shadow,
I see you hypnotized by the life they've yet to live.
And your only wish is to linger with the ghosts.
Courtney Roach
March 8, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
The sky grows tall
And I am not alone, again.
I linger with the ghosts at the break of the horizon.
My heart grows black
And you are too honest, again.
You've broken me too many times and my heart shall never mend.
Courtney Roach
March 7-8, 2005
-For Azra-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
Choke on all your passion,
Never laughing.
Think of nothing but your troubles,
And let it wash you all away.
Sleep with dreams of haunting ghosts,
Darkness drowns your screams.
Never let the new day wake you,
Never let her damn lies break you.
Lightning strikes you in the sky,
Let them tell you that you will get by.
Your face is flushed with anger red,
All your thoughts are victims of the dead.
You walk in shadows all alone,
You can't be happy on your own.
Laugh and cry and scream and shout,
Come on, bleed your secrets out.
Courtney Roach
March 10, 2005
-For Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Love Is A Flame-
Love is a flame that must burn through our hearts.
Lust is our sixth sense that must run through our blood.
I hardly know if I'm alive when I wake and there is no sun.
I hardly know if that's my face looking back at me in the mirror.
When I hear you in the darkness, I know you'll always be there.
When I hear you laughing in my dreams, I know you'll always love me.
Courtney Roach
March 10, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Shed All Your Skin Away-
Shadows lurk beneath my feet
As my footsteps kiss the dirt.
The night is lost and I am drowning
Through your tears, so cold.
Let me cry beside you,
Let me die within you.
Your eyes are swimming with lies
And I shall take one step inside
And I shall bury all your pain.
Never again will you let your mask slip
For fear of seeing all your heart desires.
Your soul, so dark, is hurting too much,
And you should know to shed all your skin away.
Courtney Roach
March 11, 2005
-For Jen?-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
I'm not as fragile as I seem
I'm not the victim I wish to be
My heart is not the tender beat of a child's
My face is not the beauty of laughter in the night
I'm not everything you hoped for
But I could lie and I could be more
I'm so afraid of everything I can't see
And you're so eager to shape me
But darkness is rising and I fall back into my darkness
This is where I want to be
And this is where I'll be me.
Courtney Roach
March 13, 2005
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The Fallen-
Dance with yourself in the shadows
Lie next to yourself as you sleep
Close your own blue eyes in the darkness
See your ice cold breath in the warmth
You've fallen softly to the ground
As they watch you hit the shallow waters
You're drowning, you're dreaming
And those little demons are pulling you under
Faceless shadows force an empty scream
You're nowhere, you're alone
And those lovers that held a place in your heart
Were never there to help you
You give up, you've gone limp
And now you linger with the ghosts.
Courtney Roach
March 13, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
You thought you were alone last night
Whispering to the cold air
I watched him sit at your side
Whispering secrets in your ear
He tells you that you've lost all hope
Lost all meaning
Hidden beneath your only chance
The stars you shall wish upon
You close your eyes
And choke on all your words
You're buried with your portable passion
And he lays dead roses at your grave
And as you gasp your one last breath
You wish you would have seen those stars.
Courtney Roach
March 12, 2005
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A Walking Lie-
You need me
Like you need your soul
Because without me
You'd be nothing
But a walking lie.
You pull apart
Your savored heart
Because you crave pity
In your secrets
Whilst you sleep.
Courtney Roach
March 12, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sad Sobbing Story-
You are a vision
You are a temptation
You are my wisdom
You are my contemplation
You are every beat in my heart
You are every thought to tear me apart
You will be there when I end
Like a sad sobbing story
Where candles flicker softly
And tears fall down quickly
And you hold on tightly
I thought I'd leave forever
But you carry me on
Until it's time to carry you.
Courtney Roach
March 13, 2005
-for my Blood Sisters-
------------------------------------------------------------------
More Today-
I thought of you with patience today,
With beauty today.
You looked of radiance today,
Of sunshine today.
I was drenched with passion today,
With power today.
You swore no more lies today,
More truth today.
I gave you my life today,
My love today.
Courtney Roach
March 14, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
My Sugarcoated Words-
My Sugarcoated Words-
You are my alias,
My silly tribute to the world.
You are my everyday,
My ghost in the afterlife.
You are what I see in darkness,
My dreams of color.
You are my wanderlust,
My haunting black footsteps.
You are my magic,
My rabbit in a black hat.
You are my poetry,
My sugarcoated words.
Courtney Roach
March 14, 2005
-For everyone I've ever written about... here's another one-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Virgin Stars-
You were doused with truth today
Born again, into your standard
The drinks won't stop coming
Till you're dead and gone
You're just a bribe to win me over
I dance alone,
Virgin stars fall upon the dirt
Singing their own tremolo,
The words of rubies beating in my heart
You were drowned in tears today
Watchful yet, you sear into my eyes
All ten cigs lit inside your mouth
Till you burn yourself out
You're a séance waiting to happen
I dance alone,
Virgin stars fall upon the dirt
Singing their own tremolo,
The words of rubies beating in my heart
Rose petals linger in the darkness, above your grave... tonight.
Courtney Roach
March 14, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Heartsick-
I'm homesick for my own skin
I'm heartsick for my underwater
You're hungry for something clever
We're all frightened of something better
I've wandered into confusion
I've wandered into life
You're waiting for something safe
We're all yearning for another place
Somehow, we're all blind in a place so real
Somewhere, he's blushing for you
I give you all your sense
Somehow, we're all fake to everything we feel.
Courtney Roach
March 14, 2005
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The Flower-
I see you lying on the floor
Bruised and blistered with fear
I was your lover,
You were my friend
I was your smile,
You were my pity
Until this day, you remain the flower you placed at my door.
Courtney Roach
March 15, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Censored-
She whispered smoke into my ear
Bloody words no one should ever hear
She stole that pot of nothing
At the far end of her torture
She sings stubborn melodies
Censored words in magazines
She drowns in shallow waters
In her darkness where she wanders
She sparkles in the night
When her silence is a given
She crescendos her words of love
To the stars so high above.
Courtney Roach
March 15, 2005
-For anyone who feels tired and lonely-
------------------------------------------------------------------
My Yesterday-
I drink away
My yesterday
Simple grays fade
Chewing on my clean slate
Plummeting into my fate
Words were swallowed too late
You weren't allowed to cheat
Choose me instead to beat
She runs away with steady feet
You were easy to defeat.
Courtney Roach
March 15, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
Hair pulled far back
Eyes circled in black
Tension in her skin
Her bones are too thin
Her blood seeps through the floorboards
They whisper and watch
Plumes of smoke fill the air
Her pulse is deafening
To the dead.
Courtney Roach
March 15, 2005
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Pacified-
Secrets swimming through the tears you cry
Dreaming shadowed lullabies
Shallow ones shall see through your eyes
Keeping you so pacified
Until that day you die within your misery...
Courtney Roach
March 17, 2005
-For Geralda-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Her Street Corners-
Her crimson lips turn a slant
As you press her for love
Her eyes filled with smoke
Answer your desperation
Her skirt with holes
In all the wrong places
The city lights
Shadow her beauty
Her accidental children
Will never be fathered
All of her street corners
Are littered with liquor and sex
She smells of men
And dirty laundromats
She'll never be forgiven
By the jail cell she must live in.
Courtney Roach
March 16, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sick Impressions of Happiness-
Mellow your heart out
With your sick impressions of happiness
Wear your embroidered smile
Whilst scraping the blood off your fun
Your eyes fix upon her
Crippling her with fear
You approach her, your eyes feasting on her flesh
You lay a kiss upon her
And she melts into you.
Courtney Roach
March 16, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Zen-
You break me
I'm your bad habit
You shake me
I'm your sudden death
You wake me
I'm your blind spot
You take me
I'm your stolen fortune
You make me
I'm your homemade everything
You fake me
I'm your lingering ghost
You love me
I'm your zen.
Courtney Roach
March 16, 2005
-For anyone who loves and hates me at the same time-
------------------------------------------------------------------
January Days-
January days are missed
Signals are mixed
Snow is dry
Skies are dark
Streets are hushed
Goodbyes are said
You were mislead
You are strong
No one was wrong
Your palms drown in tears
You've waited all these years
Dreams demolished
Old ones polished
He loves you nonetheless.
Courtney Roach
March 17, 2005
-For Veronica-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Cinematic-
You carry far too much energy and passion.
You are far too cinematic and cliché.
You breathe far too much tension and sensation.
You're a smile on any given day.
You're words are flukes when the sun is shadowed,
And the sun is shadowed.
Courtney Roach
March 19, 2005
-For Mel-
------------------------------------------------------------------
My Pessimistic Antics-
Every word is fed to you
Every step is stuck in blue
Every song is heard with dismay
Every monster hunts for its prey
Every sound is silent in the dark
Every breath becomes more stark
Every sunrise has its taste
Every second is a waste
Every drug keeps me insane
Every day I feel no pain
Every secret is well known
Every mystery is well shown
Every diary is filled with lies
Every blindness has no eyes
Every pose you make
Every bow you take
Every moment too late
Every belief of fate
Every thought of life
Leads to every thought of death.
Courtney Roach
March 18 - 19, 2005
-For the ones who gave me my points of view-
------------------------------------------------------------------
Fun House-
Step inside
Take off running
Suffocate the dead
Beneath your feet
Cold breath
Wallows in the air
And so do you
The night is damp
With your tears.
So you stepped inside
Took off running
Reflections fill every space
Visions, indecision
Glass eyed
You turn your head
Shadows and demons
They drown you
In their dark.
Step outside
Slow your pace
See behind you
Blackness engulfs it
Mutual feelings
Sickness overcomes you
It haunts you
Start running
Now.
Courtney Roach
March 20, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
One Hundred Sins-
Your lipstick is faded
From all the kisses you've been wanting.
Your eyes are jaded
From all the lives you've been desecrating.
All the stars you've been hopeless without
Have fallen to the hell you refuse to see.
All the streets you've walked aimlessly within
Have swallowed you blindly.
Your smile is bloody,
And as fake as your soul.
One hundred sins you've walked,
One thousand lives you've stalked.
Those shards of glass
Have fixed themselves upon you
And their grip is suffocating.
Those burning snowflakes
Are lingering upon your skin
And their grip is blistering.
The much too frightened eggshells you walk upon
Have littered you with sanity.
Your poison blood will fasten them to death,
And so you are walking again,
Frightened, alone
And without a face.
Courtney Roach
March 21, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Untitled-
I dreamt a dance,
I dreamt you drowned.
I dreamt a soldier,
Twas not me.
I dreamt blood,
You were bleeding.
I dreamt a crown,
You were queen.
I dreamt of melodies,
Much too simple.
I dreamt passion,
You were frowning.
I dreamt happiness,
I dream lies.
Courtney Roach
March 22, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Ready-
Your eyes carry too many dark corners
Too many dark roads I've been down before
I've never been less ready to love
To set my heart on fire
We've torched the sky with twilight
With stars of bleeding water
Your soul is crippled with pain
With fueled exhaustion
My book was read a lifetime ago
Read three or four times through
My mask is as delicate as your life
As all your filthy strife
I've never been less ready to love
More ready to leave.
Courtney Roach
March 26, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Unanswered-
I've got nowhere to go
And somehow you're alone
The sun is rising
And somehow I still see stars
My eyes are sewn open
My tongue is far from tied
And my questions are left unanswered.
Courtney Roach
March 26, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Always-
I'm always speechless,
Always fed up with words.
I'm always crawling,
Always clawing for some earth.
I'm always drowning,
Always gasping for some air.
I'm always ready,
Always expecting a storm.
I'm always waiting,
Always helpless with your pain.
I'm always hiding,
Always humored by your eyes.
I'm always scared,
Always shattered with dimension.
I'm always lonely,
Always leaving when requested.
Courtney Roach
March 26, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Crossroads-
I starve for words of sympathy
I feed off your eyes of jealousy
The sky rains down and melts
Your mask of pity down the drain
The sun weeps with you
In the crossroads of your favored realms
Your bones are frail and scratched
But you left me unscathed
Unwelcome in your plastic misery.
Courtney Roach
March 28, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Alter Ego-
Your skin is bare,
Alone with nothing but your lies.
Your eyes are dirtied with compassion,
And fluttering thoughts of trying harder.
You're littered with filth,
And darkness beneath your feet.
You've emptied your ego.
You've not been altered.
You've been plastered with tears,
Sickening little souvenirs.
So open your eyes,
You've never seen before.
Courtney Roach
March 28, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Sublime-
Your eyes are hollow,
Stone cold with fear.
Visible tears,
Yet so unable to cry.
Clouds burst at the
Sight of your insecurities.
Kiss the sunshine away,
Their sublime eyes look upon you.
The shadows in the horizon
Claim you as their ghost.
Courtney Roach
March 28, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Surreal-
I open my eyes
To a place so unreal
I open my soul
To a love so surreal
Dash your fairy dust
Upon your breath
Place your silhouette
Behind you
Chase your shadow
Until you are sure it's beneath you,
Where all else lies.
Courtney Roach
March 29, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Yellow Brick Road-
Clench your fists
And take what comes
Look into my eyes
You swore on all those lies
Come on and see what lies before you.
Courtney Roach
March 29, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Till Death Do We Part-
I look into those leery eyes
And see a weary day
I feel those icy tears
Fall upon my dirty skin
Baptize me
Just feel some sympathy
Anything but ecstasy
For those crying roses
Buried in your palm.
Courtney Roach
March 29-31, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Weeping Willow-
Twas a dark day,
You refused to see.
Raindrops fell black upon your skin.
You screamed in innocence
And marked your place with fear.
Your toes dug deep into the ground,
Your hopes hung far below your weeping willow tree.
Your eyelids fluttered in dismay,
And with on kiss they opened as a door to one last love.
Courtney Roach
March 31, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Whisper-
Tonight, he leads you down the wrong street.
Tonight, you learn the meaning of defeat.
You struggle and you scream,
You serve and you dream.
I'll whisper secrets into your tears,
Whilst you wash it all away.
Courtney Roach
March 31, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Empty Garden-
Wake me,
Take me,
Where the streets end
Before they're given a name.
The moon lies naked with the stars,
And you lie naked with yourself.
You undress your secrets
And show me your empty garden of truth.
Courtney Roach
March 31, 2005
------------------------------------------------------------------
Empty Garden: Part II-
Rose petals lie listless,
Yet awake.
Your weeping willows are wilting
At the soul.
You're saddened as the clouds
Cover in a storm,
Threatening your time.
Thunder shouts innuendos
At your heart,
As you twist and pull
The hints apart.
So, you lie down, listless,
Anonymous with the rose petals.
Courtney Roach
March 31, 2005
