Love flows like a river, but
Passion burns like a raging fire
------------
If fire should enter my soul
Let it be known, that
I was possessed by no one's spirit
------------
I turned back the hands of time frequently, then this woman gave me a digital watch.
------------
Here I am
Staring in your eyes
Wondering in my mind
How I'll decide
To define you,
Your hair is red, and
Your eyes are green
When I stare
I begin to melt,
I call you a hothead
When you scream my name, and
Burn my image
While I try to love you,
My heart beats fast, but
My pulse is slow
I don't know where I stand, but
I know where I lie
------------
A woman I knew showed me her birth mark, then asked me to show her mine. I said "I'm sorry babe, but I don't have a birth mark because I was never born". Upon
hearing this she replied "but honey you're here, you're alive, I can see you
and I can feel you". "I am hollow and not really alive" I said. This really
confused her and she packed her bags to leave. I do not exist, I do not exist.
------------
What is real?
That is the question she asked me, but
I didn't have an answer, so
She rolled out of bed, and said
"Baby I need you to be real"
"Hell", "I replied, "I'm all
but real"
A figment of your imagination
A ghost of your present
Next year I'll be gone
Nothing in this world is real,
Close your eyes
Turn your back
All is gone,
Open your eyes
Turn forward
It is all gone,
Ask yourself your purpose in life...
Is it real?
------------
What if I reached into my heart, and
Pulled out flowers
Would that surprise you?
------------
When I open my eyes
Do I see the world,
When I clench my fist
Am I filled with hatred,
When I breathe
Am I alive
------------
Rumors of my life
Have gone ignored
------------
I grab my heart, and
Throw it to you
If you catch it
Ill know a lot about you
If you drop it
Then I'm out of here
------------
If I take my hand, and
Cover your eyes
What then do you see?
What then can you tell me?
About what you ask?
About you
About me
About us
Tell me, what do you see?
------------
Where is my faith
I don't know what I believe in anymore,
Friends walk out of my life, but
Still I sit alone in my room
Not caring what happens to our souls,
In my dreams I'm deaf, mute and blind, then
The world moves in to attack,
Defenseless I stand awaiting my fate
Taking all forms of punishment
While my soul wails inside my mind
Teaching me all my life's mistakes
So that I never make them again,
The air leaves my lungs
My senses feel faint
My lungs burst with fire
I gasp for air, but
It's not there...
I feel my body fall to the ground
Nothing moves
I vomit bile
My throat burns bitter
All eyes are upon me, and
Inside my mind I hear one voice:
"Get up" it says
"I don't know how to live" I scream,
Spit hanging from my chin
Tears in my eyes
In heaven do we still feel pain, or
Do we always float on clouds?
------------
The world breaks me through my mind
Causing me to go into convulsions
Shaking at the core of my soul,
Her voice rang through my ears, but
I couldn't understand her, and
I went to hell instead of heaven to meet her,
Of course I never found her...
In fact I still haven't heard from her...
Life moves on, as
I settle back to my old routine
You know which one
Its the one I used during my vaudeville days
It received the most laughs
------------
"Warped mind full of shadows of doubt...."
That is what she said about me,
I didnt know what to say
For the first time I was speechless,
I didnt know what I did to her
I never laid a hand of hate upon her,
Tomorrow I'll forget about her
Tonight I drink about her
------------
One moment
Two views
Three hearts
Four beds
Five women
Six sins
Seven doors
Eight senses
Nine teeth
Ten souls
Eleven fingers
Twelve lies
Thirteen charms
Fourteen fates
Fifteen blossoms
Sixteen bullets
Seventeen wounds
Eighteen cunts
Nineteen demons
Twenty illusions
Twenty-one pictures
Twenty-two reasons
Twenty-three stones
Twenty-four loaded
Twenty-five years
------------
They force feed my mind
With all the new materials
Gag reflex takes over
Spewing out all informal garbage,
Color me bold
Color me old
Call me cheap
Call me a dick
I do not care
I do push on,
Deliver us from evil
Send us into the land of grace
Sweet music turns to metal
Gravel pours over my head
Yet now I feel alive,
Blood pours from my pores
A hard-on is what I get
Though mixed emotions fill my head,
I sink down to lower levels
Spanking at the ground to keep my balance
Answer me one question
How do I let you live your life?
Cover my head with shame
Are you not taller than I?
Physical over mental
Mental over Physical
Which one is it ma?
Do or die
Kill me now
Bathe in my blood...
Only if it will make you happy
After all
I'm here to please you,
Counting down my life
I sit in excess
Looking all around
I can't see a thing,
Christmas lights shine through the walls
Now all my nights are days
Open my present
Rip my skin
I bleed for you,
The door opens out, so
I'm in the closet
I wait to come out, but
There is no reason,
Why throw a curve
When I can't even pitch
It's not my kind of game,
I close up my heart, and
Seal it in a tomb
No longer will anyone see it
Not even myself
For it has enough bruises
Even if most were self inflicted,
Now I go to bed
Though I can't fall asleep
Warlocks run through my room
Teasing me to join them, but
I ain't no witch lover, and
I don't know magic, so
I shut my eyes,
Morning comes
Mourning cums
I can never remember which it is
Confusion surrounds me, but
I am getting used to it,
Memory jars my teeth loose
Shit I think
There goes my only complement,
I see you rant and rave
Only to discover I was looking into a mirror
I start to laugh, but
Then I see I'm looking at you,
Where is my reality, or
Is it dual reality
Please tell me which it is,
Open the door
Out we step
No longer do we hide
Tomorrow I'll re-enter, as
I usually do repeat myself
Over - n - over
Over - n - over,
I look all around
I don't see your face
I scream your name
You don't seem to answer,
The walls crumble down
There is no place to hide
I kill the lights
I am in darkness
I feel around, but
There is no place to go,
I close my eyes
To see my fate, as
Torture rules my soul, and
Pain is in my spirit,
The knife plunges into my heart
It is held by my own hand, the
Twisting motion becomes apparent
Deeper into the hole I go
Juices flow over my head
It is then I discover the rain,
Who reigns over mankind, and
Where is woman-kind, or
Even child-kind
Do we even need all these labels,
I love you
You love I
That is all we need
For this world to survive,
Crushing blow to my head
Where is my lost weekend
I cannot find it,
Danger lurks around the bend, so
I stop the car, and
Jump off the cliff
I begin to fly over the mountains,
Up here nobody is freer
Clouds around my head
Dilutes my senses,
Am I real, or
Am I memorex
I forgot to plug myself in,
Hip culture surrounds me
Groovy music is my life
Def jams are a thing of the past,
Do I know your face
Cause I don't know your name
Did we meet before
Did we dance before
Stop yelling I cannot remember,
Fortress of Solitude, the
Baxter Building
There ain't no super heroes in this world
No miracle men
No men to watch over
Only us to prevent the crime we commit,
The candle burns the last of the wick
Hot wax drips on my chest
Only because it pleases her, the
Pain makes me realize
That I am alive,
My friends all turn away
I'm left here sitting in my room
I tire of their promises
That mean nothing to me,
I peel the orange
I core the apple
I pluck the grape
I feed my soul,
Music rules my life
Books comfort my mind
Writing soothes my soul,
My spirit wanders in the rain
Looking for some despondent love
Someone I can take home to ma
Where is miss congeniality, and
Why can't I sniff her,
The wires probe my head
Searching for lost cells
For they contain only the best,
The beard of knowledge begins to itch
It asks too many questions, the
Kind that hurt to answer,
I remove the kinks from my armour, as
I walk down the boulevard,
I show everyone your picture, but
They just hit me, and
Tell me to leave you alone, an
Old lady spits and curses me...
Now my luck will get worse,
I'm thrown in debtors prison
Till I pay off my debts
Though now I have no job, so
Now I will have no money to pay them off
Must I live here forever,
I run out of my mind
Chased by hidden fears
That deny my lust, and
Also my true love,
Tormenting me for all eternity
I lose my soul to you
------------
Rain begins to fall, the
Cold night air
Brings out some snow, as
I walk the streets
Through the slush
Through the garbage
Through the blood,
Dead bodies litter the street with
Homeless men and women,
Now they are lifeless
Some say a suicide pact, while
Others say cops,
Me... I don't know
I only see death,
I close my eyes
Blood is all around
Dripping from the walls
Forming puddles on the street,
Lifeless souls wander to my home
I try to help them, but
How can I...
I can't even help myself,
The envelope closes around me
My house prostitutes now leave me, the
Collector of lost souls, the
Buyer of corrupt souls...
Aren't they one in the same,
Who says I can depend on you...
You never return my calls
You never ask me how I am
You never look in my direction,
Forty reasons yet you still leave
Hungry fools gather together
Breaking bread and drinking wine, for
It is their "last supper", but
What does it mean to me
When I wasn't invited
Deep inside do I really know?
Where are my answers...
Hell where are my feelings,
A holocaust of the mind
Hiroshima had nothing on me
Rats infest my brain
Shit lands before my next step
What god calls the shots,
Sniff the ground
It is stable, and it's the
One thing you can depend on
Here in the midwest,
I look up to the sky
Hanging on some kind of crucifix
I spot you, with
One breast showing
Hair covered in mud
People spit on you, while
I only stare...
Is it true why they hate you?
I look down to the ground
Tears roll from my eyes
"STOP" I scream
Running in stride
I break you free,
I bathe you
I cleanse your spirits, yet
Do you know I exist?
I mean deep in your soul...
Do you know I exist?
The paths filled with sugar
Still give me a bitter taste
Twenty years since I met you
Twenty years I've lived in hell,
Push me out of your life, is
All that I ask
Since it is the only way you'll listen,
Souls pound into my chest
Trying to devour my body, and
Cleanse my mind, and
Leave me to return to dust
Back where I came from
Back where you came from,
Eternal birth
Eternal death...
Life comes from birth
Death conquers life
Plummeting our soul in darkness,
Wisdom of the ages
Tell us what fools weve become
Yet we only scoff, and
Never try to change,
Hurt fears bring tears to my eyes
For one final time before I die
Knowing I'll never see you again...
------------
Sister Pain swims through my fears
Stripping off all my clothing
Stripping off all my flesh
Eternal bondage is what I need
Sister Pain, give me your namesake
------------
Video images in my head
Confirm my belief in nothing
Life does not exist
We only deal with lies
Religion is but a joke
Whose gag has been running far too long,
False prophets speak between the lines
Trying to make us believe in hell
Angels walk with devils
Utopia drifts farther away
Let me breed contempt
From my ignorance
------------
Open my eyes
Open my mind
Death shoots through me
Standing in the dust
I begin to laugh
Who knows me
Who loves me
I run forever, but
I'm still here
Give me your future
Tell me your secrets
Opening my fist
I grab myself
While you watch
Waiting for approval
Tears fall from your eyes
Cum falls from my hand
Gently you suck my fingers, and
Then we fuck
------------
It's a crazy kind of love I seek
Complete with hours of rolling craziness
Who can give me this, and
Why can't I find her
In this age of dating
------------
I run out into the streets
Laughing and crying at the same time,
"Give me back my life" I scream, but
No one hears me
To them I don't even exist,
I stop and sit in the middle of the road
Hoping for reality to smack me in the face
In my case reality was a '73 Buick
------------
I laugh for you
I cry for you
I love for you
------------
Tell me you love me, and I'll smile forever...
------------
Wind blowing thru my bones
The cold drops me to my knees,
Electric light howls in my face
Bringing me forth in my mind
I sit down to my thoughts
Only to find I never existed
------------
Birds swoop down over my outstretched soul. Memory mongers rob my mind. Sights
and sounds are no longer mine. World gone wrong without any revolution. Screaming
party members always fall. Living in a closet filled with voids makes me smile.
A falcon pierces my heart, ripping out all my love. Machines of nature binds
my will. Does anyone out there speak any English? All my adoring fans amount
to nothing. Molten lava flows through my veins. Laughing demons fly through
our souls, leaving remnants of hell in all of us. Lightening comes to me in
my dreams creating bursts of intelligence within my mind. Pulsing moods push
through my flesh. Jokingly I called him an old woman, my busted lip showed what
he thought of it. Grey skies call out into the open. Ice cubes rattle my mind
by speaking to me in Latin. When I saw her face, I cried.
------------
Hello...
I know my name,
Spirits wouldn't let me rest my soul
Crying tears kept me awake,
Laughing like a fool, I run you madly,
Sitting in a Chinese shop
Listening to my heated desires
Primal screams shatter my eardrums
A wicked wall just stopped my body
------------
In my dreams animals replace humans, but they still cheat like us.
------------
[August '94] Turning around I bury my legend, or at least my image of a legend.
Living in the desert for the last two years has taught me many things. Hopefully
I will come to use them and to learn from them in the coming year. My existence
has been relatively short when you look at the age of the earth, but I have
lived... haven't I? Growing in and out of so many desires that one wonders who
I am at many times. People from the past condemned into my own hell. It was
not till later that I was rescued by this goddess only to be devoured by her
in the end, but I'm still alive... aren't I? Since then loneliness has ruled
my life, except for a couple of brief flashes. Today I am self made, kind of
a geek, but I'm myself.
------------
Breathe you my fire
Stepping outside I'm in your house
Racing your car you are stopped
My fears leave you shaking, while
I laugh at your desires,
Bruises travel up my body
Blood flames in my veins
Looking at you I forget my place
------------
Open my eyes, show me the new way. We blast through our parent's values searching
for our own kind of freedom.
------------
Her movement put me in a trance. Her body floating across the room. Her hair
flowing all around her. In an age when noise screams all around us, there is
only a silenced awe around her. The control of her body. The stare of her eyes.
She knows what she feels and wants. Her rhythm guides her life. When you glance
at her you see no emotion. When you look at her you see a fire of emotion. She
takes you by the hand, her gracefulness gently flowing into you. She turns to
look you in the eyes and you can see her soul. To hold her is to know you'll
see heaven one day. In a mad flurry she is gone, but in your soul she is forever.
------------
Turn it up, inject my veins with the poison, let me learn to live my life, scream your insults
to my face, I close my eyes to get away, I open my eyes to face reality, cut
off my limbs and pack me in a box I do not care, my own belief in life changes
weekly, driven mad by the beating of my own heart, false bravado never works,
the thousand yard stare opens new avenues, old bones that never stop working,
chiseled features that have been smashed, music in my ear, music in my life,
the time of my life... I'm still searching for it, a prison of the mind unlocked
for all generations, in my soul lies death, awakening fears lying dormant no
longer, why do you always ask me that question, I wanna close my senses, use
your body to sell yourself 'cause you ain't got nothing else, I see death staring
at me and I spit at her, why doesn't anyone listen anymore, senseless ads for
a senseless society, why do I wear my heart on my sleeve, seeing nothing left
for me in this world I turn around and dive into the emotion-less void.
------------
In dreams I've spoken different languages and sought many souls. Now I lay here
all alone whispering your name in hopes of your reply.
------------
Cry for me tonight...
I know I will
------------
Dying expressions all around me looking at me as if I'm some worthless whore
pimping my dreams to anyone interested. Look into my soul and you'll see my
truth.
------------
Looking into my heart I can't tell what I see... am I capable of loving someone again
or am I already too tired of these games at such an early age... my life revolves
around my thirst for privacy...
------------
My history is hard to tell, it is still being twisted around to suit everyone's
wants and needs. Hopefully when I'm dead my soul will then be known to one and
all.
------------
Sister sister running free
Escaping into the night
Fears fall upon your bare feet
You giggle as you step over them
Sister sister running free
------------
Lost souls cry out for love and forgiveness, but are forever shutout.
------------
I walked into the valley and emerged as a dead man. I no longer exist in this
world. In your dreams I see you cry, five seconds later you are laughing and
I am gone.
------------
When I first saw her she was walking through fire. Flames leapt around her,
welcoming her to this hell, but it did not matter for she owned these flames
and they did her bidding. All around her people were running and screaming.
It looked as if they moved in slow motion while she was the center of the storm.
She was the burning. I later found out that fire was her one insatiable lust.
Often she would set a building on fire and wait in the middle until the fire
was at it's worst. The flames stroked her. The flames fondled her. The flames
fucked her. She could stand for hours in the midst of the flames and shriek
in ecstasy. It was only then that she would emerge from the fire.
------------
I strike at you with dreamlike words to throw you off balance. One minute you
feel like dying, the next you want to fuck me. My chemical imbalance allows
me to get away with many things, and I never have to show my trump card. When
I walk through the door you crawl to me naked. You look so raw. Your whimpering
grunts begin to turn me on. I see by your moistness that you already are. You
lie on your back, my face buried in your groin, your hands tearing at my hair,
your soft moans drive me on. I try to take you to some higher plane. I smell
you essence, I smell your truth. I feel like I'm gonna explode. Your heavy breathing
drives me harder. I want you to believe.
------------
Tiny teeth tear at my flesh. Trying to devour my soul and control my body. In
fifth grade I killed a boy just because he slurped his milk. Images bounce around
so fast that I can't contain them all. I read a book about two diving saints,
only one of them made it to the Olympics. Clawing at my body I try to rid myself
of these teeth of false justice. I once fell asleep only to sleep for over a
year.
------------
"Swimming in an emotion-less void", that was what she said spending an evening alone with
me was like. Sit and talk. Dead-panned emotions. Never high nor never low. "It's
as if you're not really alive".
------------
My past is very peculiar, it runs and hides when anyone tries to gather any
information.
------------
I only heard a whisper, but what I saw I couldn't believe. A hole the size of
a head appeared in the chest of a woman walking by. The look on her face was
of total shock. She looked straight at me, staring into my eyes. Her hands were
clutched on my arms like a death grip. There was nothing I could do. She tried
to talk or scream, but all that came out was the sound of wind. Her body began
to change, she was instantly growing older. It was as if she was losing her
essence, or her soul was draining through the hole in her chest. The sound of
wind was growing louder, it sounded almost like a hurricane. As she withered
away I'll never forget her face. I have been afraid many times in my life. I
have seen the faces of many scared people, but I have never seen a face show
so much utter despair. A fear in her eyes that reached at my own soul and almost
tore it out. As she crumpled to the ground I stood shaking. Now whenever I close
my eyes I see her face... I see her face and I know I've seen hell.
------------
My life for yours... which would you choose? That question was proposed to me
by a woman I'd never met before.
I was walking down the street doing some window
shopping when I walked into this woman. She and I apologized at the same time.
I told her my name was Tim and this was my first time to New York City. Her
name was Gretchen and it was also her first time.
We were making small talk
when she first blurted out the question "my life for yours". "What?" I replied.
Again she asked "my life for yours". Puzzled I looked at her and thinking she
might be a little crazy, I turned to start walking away.
She then grasped my
shoulder and asked me again "Tim, my life for yours... what is your answer?" "No", I stated, "I'll stick with my life". She then looked very sad, as if someone
told her that her cat was dead. She then turned and walked away into a crowd
of people. I kept looking at the back of her head until it was no longer in
my sight.
------------
Turning keys in my mind. Echos of past jokes try to overrun my lies. To me nothing
matters anymore.
------------
Un-filtered love flows through my veins. I have no fear of any woman proclaiming
her love to me. My fingers probe my chest trying to feel my beating heart only
to feel nothing but skin and hair. It is a testament to my life. I look around
but nobody but me is here. Lost in a field in the middle of everywhere. If anyone
was around, I wouldn't be here so it doesn't matter, does it? With a needle
I poke at my body. If I feel pain I am real. If I bleed I am real. I would tell
you the answer, but what would it mean to you, it's only important to me.
------------
Thin lizards appear to me within my dreams. Their long slimy tongues bath my
body as their soft voices whisper to me a "million deaths hide inside your mind
while you are awake. As you sleep death does try to become you... it is a fight
that you may soon tire of. If you let yourself go, what then will you become.
You harness half of your personality, what are you now?" Mystic clouds surround
my body, tiny fingers massage my body. My mind is in limbo and my body is nowhere
else. The beating of the drums, the pounding of my soul. I want to scream yet
I have no voice. A pain behind my left ear grows worse and worse. My eyes see
double and I begin to vomit. What kind of wonderland am I in now? I hear the
laugh of a hundred school kids debating my past, to them my future. Do I even
care anymore as each careless step falls lower than the one before? Fuck everyone
in this world, they don't know who I am or what I do. How can they condemn me
when they live with the same fears of growing old and dying alone. We are all
afraid of death's cold dark grasp... we know that we have no control over death,
save for killing our own self. My tears are your tears, my blood is your blood.
Now grow up and act as if you lived before.
------------
Lightening flashing
Thunder crashing
I am alive
------------
Tiny invisible puzzle put together with eyes closed total concentration on the
tips of my fingers feeling for any hole or locking piece to satisfy my soul.
------------
Hold onto my heart... it's all that I have left.
------------
We are all scared in this world. I am scared to grow old and die alone. I am
scared of any type of relationship. I am still a little boy at heart. Most new
people intimidate me. How am I supposed to contact them. I have no gift of conversation.
Around new people I stutter, stammer and blush. I am isolated from any kind
of relationship. I hate to get hurt. Sometimes people laugh at me. After all
these years I'm kinda used to it and I just laugh with them. That usually confuses
them for a little while. That's when I kill them.
------------
You can do nothing to touch me, I am the Saint of all Bastards.
------------
Ancient gods cry your name, while your fear is nowhere to be found. A saint
sinning for your attention is easily laughed upon. No one quite knows your position,
I only tell them that you don't really care. All action and no talk is more
your style, we want you to offer us up in your name. Your finger prints are
all over the world, just who the hell do you think is yours.
------------
She's the kid with the mixed up soul. The only thing she has to show for it
is the frown she wears and her lack of peers. To her I would give my undying
love, though in her eyes shes not worthy of anyone's friendship. She says "no
handouts for me, I'm on my own". Sometimes, if she's really down, I'd swear
you could see right through her as if she was a ghost. She's the kid with the
mixed up soul and I love her.
------------
[From a dream I had] We all were sitting in class taking a test. The questions
were written on the chalk board. The teacher was erasing the old questions and
replacing them with new questions. Now the test should've been easy, but I was
having a hard time concentrating. I knew the answers, but I couldn't stop writing
down all the questions instead of answers. Romeo and Juliet - romanticism. Iron
Man - comic book. I just wasn't writing answers, I was thinking them out. "Why
do you keep erasing the questions" I screamed to the teacher. Half the class
was standing around the teacher to hand in their tests. One woman kept starring
at me and grinned. I didn't know her name, in fact I've never seen her before.
She looked good to me. Short, real thin, but not bony, almost tom-boyish. I
tried to ignore her and finish my test, but I couldn't stop thinking of her.
I glanced up to look at her again but she was not there anymore. I started to
finish the test when I heard someone behind me."Can you tell me what this is?" she said as she began to run her fingers over the back of my neck tracing out
some pattern. When I didn't say anything she said "it's a star". She then walked
to the door and before she left, she turned and smiled one last time.
------------
Puzzled fingers locking away my truth. There is no one who will stand by me
anymore. My life was stolen.
------------
Spinning stars catch my eye as the fish float by. A thousand lives light up
the sky leaving us all looking for death. I'm just a wandering soul that is
lost in lust. My marriage to all the world's lesbians ended in failure. They
all said if they wanted a woman they could get one for free. I sat and stared...
what else could I do? Now every woman looks at me cross-eyed, but that only
gives me the hiccups. Nights like these I just pack it in, sleep always looks
more inviting.
------------
Feed my fever, I tell you all. My hunger is never-lasting in my existence. My
night time dreams run rampant over my soul, while my thoughts dance a jig over
every child's grave. I am the man to save your life, 'cause I've been blessed
with mine. I push through the shadows of other peoples old knowledge to find
myself staring over the edge looking straight into hell. The sights I've seen
there you could never pay to see. They are sights you have to earn. If in my
day you could sell any woman for eleven bucks, why would you want to do it?
I mean it ain't worth all that trouble, they just kick my ass too much. I look
down at the ground and see a thin lizard grinning at me. I can see by the look
in his eye that I am lost or loved or luck. I can never remember which is which.
Mixed up blood for wine, why I could never do something as obscene as that.
I would have to not be thinking or be thinking of something else to ever do
something like that. I'm no silly. Tiny teeth marks on my arms. Inside my soul
is on fire. I've got to find out who bit me and why. I was drunk last night,
now I need to know if it was alcohol or lust. My ranting needs to end, my fever
must subside. By now my lungs were aching for air, and to you I'd say good night,
but I don't like you so I won't.
------------
I was in a movie last night, it was on the late late movie show so you might
not have seen it. In this movie I played Death. I went for a different angle
though. Instead of a black robe and sickle, I wore a clown outfit and carried
a juggler's pin. When I would take a person I would tell a few jokes and do
some clown stuff to get them laughing and in a better mood. Then I would clunk
them on the head with the juggler's pin and reach into their hearts and take
their soul. I won a Golden Turkey award for the role, but I still think it was
my best performance.
------------
You say to me that you hate my style, but I just thank you for thinking I have
some kind of style. I turn around to start walking away and I feel your stones
against my back and I can only think "Hey I've got style, it may be bad style,
but it's style". I just laugh as I skip away.
------------
Smiling Jack turned to Jane and let out a furious bellow and walked away.
------------
Take a running plunge towards my heart. Go ahead, I dare you. It's all in my mind.
------------
Rivers from the moon runs through my heart. I live in an age where romance is sleeping
with some transvestite whore doing time in hell. I wander around to see no one
but me in this over crowded world.
------------
Visions from my mind were too unfocused to present any problems to the Actors
Guild. My only moment in the sun was when I appeared nude on TV for six seconds.
After that my life went no where.
------------
Modern myth runs up to me screaming "take me into your soul, let me control
your senses". Hatchet job played out in my mind, am I losing all control? She
sits here grunting in the wind. My girl-chick-Friday... what's happening to
you? My sister used to call me a liar, but she didn't know the real me. Twisted
desires cause me to want to fuck, not me though, I got to play it cool. The
disease of mankind runs rampant through us all. There is a cure, we're just
to lazy to accept it. Muffled voices call out to me "Tim, Tim where do you think
you're going". I cannot answer them, for no one shall know. The law of hand
reaches out for justice, but she is gone and no where to be found. I call to
you old friend, tell me please... who am I? Puzzled covered world hiding it's
secrets. Please don't call me today, I am ill.
------------
"What a brick you are Mary". That was the last thing I heard before I saw her
again in the Silver Trout. It was six months later and she hadn't touched an
airplane and I could tell she wanted to fly once more. She was there with Dracula's
bride, rather they were in the same building. I can't complain though, after
all I was once a famous doctor. "Courage conquers death", she lived by those
words, even when I plunged those cold words into her heart. After that it came
as no surprise when she crashed to her fiery death as I read her last words, "Courage conquers even love".
------------
"I have something in my eye", she said. I explained to her that I was no doctor,
but it did't matter to her. "You'll never understand, she whispered, you'll
never understand".
------------
I stumble home through the wilderness, looking out for any lost souls. Something
is missing from my heart, something I can't figure out. Every year about this
time I begin to feel funny. It only lasts a few months and then I'm fine until
the next year. Now I stumble around like I'm lost, and maybe I am. Is there
anything I can do to correct this? Will I even try? Just another mixed up person
lost in their fears.
------------
I sleep in my own shit
I kick the dog that bit my hand
I touch the soul of every person I meet
I am the fool that you know
I am your god and your devil
Touch me if you dare
Fuck me if you desire
Kill me if you want me dead
I can only laugh at you
I know you want me
I know you never will
------------
The smell of shit is all around me. I stand before my death mocking all... I
stand before my death fucking all. You cannot reach me, I am invisible to you.
One thousand drunks rape you, one thousand drunks date you, one thousand bastards
are born.
------------
"Only when I close my eyes", she said, "only when I close my eyes".
------------
"Who are you, and what do you want?" she screams at me. Puzzled, I look away. "I won't cry for you", she whispers, "I won't cry for you". I have no reaction
for her, I'm like some statue you see in a museum. "Bastard... you're just a
bastard", she claims, "you always act the innocent, but I know who you really
are... I know the real you". I turn around to walk away and she grabs my shoulder.
I stop, but don't turn around. "What?" I ask. "That's youre problem", she whispers "you'll never know, you don't even want to know, you're just aloof". Deep inside
I know she is right, but I walk away anyways, and her hand falls from my shoulder.
------------
I sit here attempting to change my fate while looking back in my past. Words that I've
spoken long ago come back to haunt me. Names written across my chest begin to
bleed. I have no sense to leave myself alone, yet I want others to. You come
up to me and plunge the knife deep into my heart, but then I begin to help by
twisting the knife harder than you ever would. When we are finished, you don't
know whether to feel sad for me or disgusted at me. Me, I only have that stupid
grin on my face, and it doesn't help my cause. That is all behind me now. The
future is ahead and it looks red. I sit here attempting to change my fate while
looking forward in my future. Nerves are still not settled, nor do I think they
ever will. Too much uncertainty coming up. I can only hold on tight and see
where the future takes me.
------------
My mistress told me I forgot how to love. I looked at her a little crooked and
replied that I never knew how to love. The few times that I've tried, ended
in pain. Each time I vowed never to love again, never to show emotion.
------------
I walk past you in the hall and you think you see me cry. You turn around and
catch up to me. No, I'm not crying. It's something in my eye, an eyelash or
some dust. I would never cry over you. You just sigh and stare at me. You then
look around like you want to leave, but you look at me again. Look at me with
pity and I can't hold it in anymore. I can't fool the world anymore. I begin
to cry for you. There's nothing you can do, we both know that. It's all me,
and it always has been.
------------
this is my life, i know nothing else that works. i hear the clicking
of my keyboard as i pour my soul into thin air knowing that no
one really reads anything anymore. visual impulses pull me
down into the lowest common denomiator and the fire begins to
burn in me as i race screaming from this tomb. laughing children
point at me and tell me all my past histories as i sink to my
knees one final time.
------------
when i was younger i remember watching old b-movies, both horror and sci-fi,
on late night tv. then i believed any problems could be solved by building my own
death-ray or becoming a vampire. sadly those days are behind me until i close my
eyes at night and dream of being forty feet tall with ten inch fangs and death-rays
built into my finger tips. i walk through this world biting and shooting until all
my enemies are slain or have become my living dead children of the night. together
we can rule the world, at least until i wake up...
------------
sitting here in the flames only makes me realize all of my past mistakes... the forgotten
friends and lovers that i will never see again are beginning to drift from my memories as i
get older... some days i try to reach back into my mind to try to remember an embrace or
a lost conversation, but it does get harder each day... we used to sit around and laugh
about growing older and moving on in life, but the laughter is fading... i hit the road to
find my future, blindly trying to see all that there is only to be turned away in the end, but
i'm not done trying, it only makes it more challenging - and that can be fun...
------------
Fractured needs that consume us on so many levels come screaming out of each of
us never letting us forget that it is truly ourselves that are needy and ourselves that
try to bend and twist each other so we do not end up alone. It can be hard to let go,
to let a friend live their life without you anymore.